So here I am, 11 days into the New Year. Remember how I said I wasn't into resolutions, but I had made a few 'promises' (totally different) to myself instead? Well it occurred to me that I'd made a little promise before Christmas as well. I promised to be more positive, and take the time to think about how lucky I am for all the good in my life. Turns out that's a really easy thing to type on a crappy beaten-up old laptop, but rather trickier to put into practice. It's not that I'm necessarily a negative person, although I do have a tendency towards cynicism, and a slightly jaded outlook on this world of ours. Six years in politics will do that to a girl (when I started I like to think, in terms of The West Wing, I was more of a Josh. By the end, I was definitely Toby).
No, my issue is anxiety. I am a worrier, and I worry about everything. Think of an issue, big or small, international or domestic, and I'm pretty sure I'll have worried about it at some point or another. Take this week, for example, which I have of course spent pinging from one anxious crisis to another. I've worried about my son, but hey, I'm a mother, it comes with the gig, right? I've fretted about my house and living situation, because maybe, just maybe, we're completely nuts to take on a project like this with a toddler running amok between our feet, tripping over electrical cables and power tools as he goes. The boy's friends have begun to turn two, another milestone approaches, but I fear the passing of time; it is slipping by too fast. I've despaired at the world, the world I've brought this life into, with the atrocious happenings in Paris, the slow and desperate death of the NHS as it collapses under the weight of politicians whims and an aging population, and the growing number of people (a mass already too large for modern times, surely) forced to feed their families through food banks. I'm not going to get overtly political on you, although this is an election year and, politics geek that I am, I do look at the polls and the projections and the many many editorials opining on what will happen in May this year, and I worry too about the inevitably cobbled together coalition that awaits us. You see, I worry about everything. But maybe that's inevitable given the world we live in. Maybe it's inevitable because I am a mother now and I worry for two, and for my family as a whole. Maybe it's just who I am. So perhaps I can keep the promise to myself to be more positive, I just need to find the right balance. Worry away, as I no doubt will, but never ever forget that within the panic and the despair that swirls constantly around me, there is good. There is always good.
In other news, we have a floor! That's right, the parquet floor dream that quickly became a nightmare is almost at an end. And ... it looks lovely, although it kind of had to after the effort we've put into it. We're tantalizingly close to the final stage of this project (the house bit, anyway).
If you've been following my no poo adventure, don't miss my latest post on why I'm washing my hair with flour! (Yes, you read that correctly).