I'm writing this with a hangover, and perhaps its a bad idea. My partner has taken the boy away for a couple of hours, I haven't moved from my place on the sofa for the entirety of the morning, and I'm tired. I might sound melancholic, or stressed, or even sad, when I don't think I really am. There's a lot going on right now, and I can no longer function on such minimal sleep. Someone told me recently that motherhood has aged me (and oh yes, in case I didn't thank you profusely at the time for such a comment...) Well today I can feel it.
It's a been a week of variables. A week in which everything feels as if it is changing, as if it is in flux. The weather ran wild, veering between bright, almost unbearable sunlight, and crashing thunder, lightening streaking across the sky. I like thunder storms. I like the way I feel slightly unnerved by them, and the awesome display of natural power, a real and very literal force of nature. The boy slept through the storm, and the dogs did not stir. A miracle really, although it meant of course he was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed (the boy, not the dogs) at 4.30am. That is not morning, and it never will be.
We've been staying a lot at my in-law's house and enjoying the space, and the garden, and the animals. But the house is soon to be sold, more change, and afterwards our lives will be very different. But I try to focus on the benefits of change - the space we will have, the freedom we will have. A different way of life might be just what we need.
The work/life balance still isn't quite right, but hey, it's early days. I miss my husband, but we are having to make it work right now without any help. It's hard, but we'll get there, we always do. So that's another adjustment - life as working parents. I can't help but think we don't prioritise this in the right way in this country, that the cost of help and the cost of living forces people into (or out of, perhaps) situations which might not always be the best solution for them or their children.
I suppose this post does sound melancholy, but it isn't supposed to. Everything is reorganizing, and the dust hasn't settled.
I stumbled upon an old photo the other day, taken in Berlin 4-5 years ago. I look like a different person. I feel like a different person, and yet i have a lot in common with the woman sipping a cocktail. This was not a happy time in my life - many things had just ended, and I was unsure of my way forward. I had a job which seemed to be swallowing my life whole (I had spent the day trying to find secure internet access, because there was an email I apparently needed to see). So I've been here before, although the cards were different, and the scenery and the hair have changed. But everything worked out in the end. Change was a good thing, even if it didn't feel that way at the time.
We spent as much time as possible with friends this week, enjoying the garden and the local park. I got together with a group of local baby-wearing mamas to share our love of the slings. That's my lop-sided boy at the end, fast asleep after an exhausting afternoon of walking around. Yes, walking! The boy is well and truly off now. From wobbly steps to confident strides, and corners, and about-turns in just a few days. But now he wants to run, and can't quite work out why he always ends up face-down on the ground. I think he going to be an adventurer.
I feel like I've neglected the shop recently. I forget my website isn't all about this blog. So I added a few new items to my vintage treasure trove, including this wonderful 1920's wooden truck. I have to hide it from my child, so please buy it...
My vintage item of the week was this punk but not-so-punk 1980's newsprint crop-top, approx. age 3-4 years.
And I blogged about the modernist home of my dreams, Maison de Verre in Paris. If you haven't had a chance to read it yet, take a look. There is nothing else like this house.
That sofa! Oh my. I feel a Pinterest board coming on....